The Other Side of Special by Brown, Clime, and Holt

 

I went into this book with high hopes but feel like this book was a well intentioned missing of the mark.

 My first point of concern came on page one when the authors talked about "special needs" making an off hand comment about "whatever the newest acceptable label is at the moment". The fact is, the term special needs came from the abled community, studies show often creates more discrimination, and is rejected by the majority of the disabled community. It was the first of many disappointments.

While I agree with the authors that many resources don't capture the nuance of parenting in the disabled community, their book doesn't either. I saw no highlighting in this book of the richness that comes from embracing and living in the uniqueness of disabled culture, no disabled joy, no promoting of all the hard work the disabled community has put in the last number of decades regarding advocacy, inclusion, and acceptance. In fact, I saw no evidence at all that the authors regularly sat with and learned from disabled peers and community leaders. 

I also struggled with the book's layout. While the author's covered some useful information, those sections felt like generic Christian parenting advice.
 Every parent will face negative emotions and reactions at times in their parenting journey and this book could have used its platform to highlight the similarities first, before branching out into how those common issues may uniquely impact disabled families. Instead, the book seemed to separate the disabled segments of their experience into the "messy, emotional" part of the book's tagline and the "joy-filled" parts to the generic advice.

I'm a mom to children with a variety of disabilities and I'm also disabled myself. Parts of this book were uncomfortable to read due to the casual inclusion of ableism and the general negativity surrounding disabilities. 

I would love to see these authors spend more time actually embracing and learning from the disabled community in the future.

1.5 out of 5 stars.

Book was provided courtesy of Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. and Baker Publishing Group.

Parenting With Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd

My husband and  I recently attending a parenting seminar by Brett Ullman. During his talk he informed us that most parents read more books to plan a trip to Disney than they do about parenting. In a way I understand this. There  are so many parenting books on the market today and most parents do not have an overabundance of spare time.

That's why I feel that Parenting with Heart could be an excellent starting point for many parents. One of the points I found most interesting with this book was the parent-focused instruction. So often parenting books seek to change the child's behaviour when, really, changing our own approach is often more effective. While some of the terminology was different, many of the principles James and Dodd described were quite similar to those discussed when I took some counselling classes in college. 

I also appreciated the  time James  and Dodd took to explain their approach the concept of "parenting with heart" of parenting for control, shame, guilt, etc . .  . There  is so much pressure on having the right type of kid  rather than  helping your kid mature and grow into the person they are gifted to be. Additionally, their "parenting with heart" style is also centered in relationship which is something, I think, a lot of families struggle to do well in our isolated society. The way they show how that relationship allows love, instruction, discipline, and  growth to naturally flow between both parties rather than an power focused struggle or an unbalanced best buds approach also makes a lot of sense without feeling any more overwhelming then parenting can often feel.

There were times when the chapters  felt, perhaps, too academic for a tired parent to want to wade through while their kids are sleeping but over all the information felt solid and I loved the parent centered focus as, in the end, our own behaviour is what we have the most influence over.

4.5 out of 5 stars

I received this book as part of the Revell Reads Tour.

When Your Kid is Hurting by Dr. Kevin Leman.

I think one of the toughest parts of parenting is when your child is in trouble and you aren't sure how to help them. My kids are still small enough that most troubles can be solved with hugs, reassurances, and maybe a few skittles but I'm well aware that these days are speeding by too quickly so I was curious to see what approach Dr. Leman would take with his most recent work.

Overall, I was pleased to see Dr. Leman favouring a practical approach to handling crisis. When Your Kid is Hurting combines basic counselling principles and parenting techniques into a relatable, easy to read book introducing parents to the challenges and troubles youth and children face today. I was especially pleased to find the last third of Leman's book took the format of an extended Q & A. This section was probably my favourite feeling like a form of case study and really shaping the previously presented material in a format that made it easy to see how things played out in real life. This section combined with the many inserts including reviews or reference lists help the book serve as an easy reference when needed.

I was also pleased to see that Leman did his best to introduce a plethora of issues common to kids today giving the book wider application. I know there are amazing in depth books on helping kids with mental illness, divorce, grief, etc.  . but with many people today reading less it's helpful to have a general book like this that touches on many things. 

I was also happy to notice that with this broad and general approach Leman took the time to address the parents themselves. He looks at common parenting reactions and walks parents through their own response to tough times. I love that Leman acknowledges the interconnection of family and how everyone needs to own their own role.

There were times I felt the generation gap in Leman's tone or approach with some of the more prevalent issues today. While he always acknowledged the gravity, some sections felt like the complexity of the issue was skirted over.

4 out of 5 stars.

I received this book as part of the Revell Reads book tour in exchange for my honest opinion.

A Memory A Day For Moms

Kids grow up quick. It seems like every day holds a collection of moments, big and small, that you wish you  could hold on to as they fly past.

This is why I love A Memory a Day for Moms. Each page is divided into 5 sections, one for each year, where moms can write down a memory based on a prompt listed at the top of the page. With  four lines allocated for each  year, it is simple enough to squeeze in five minutes to write down your memory and the idea of being able to compare each year  as  you go is already bringing on the  nostalgia for this Mama.

The book itself is a solid hardcover- perfect  for  the heavy usage ahead of it. The cover itself, however, is a beautiful blue embellished with shiny  gold leaves. I appreciate how design and durability are equally evident. For those of us who are a little scatterbrained, there is an attached bookmark allowing for quick navigation for the day's writing.

The only downfalls with this book are for those who  prefer a lot of control over  their  writing. As there are only 4 lines per date, there isn't a lot of space to go into details or to write details for multiple children (my  tiny cursive finally found a place to excel). Also, the daily  prompts may not always be relevant for a mom, breaking the day's theme for future entries.

Cons aside, this is a great option for Mama's looking to preserve glimpses into the ever  fleeting  years of  childhood. 

4 stars out of 5.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

The Lucky Few by Heather Avis

 When Heather and Josh Avis decided to grow their family, adoption and Down Syndrome were never in their plans. Yet after adopting three children, two of whom have Down Syndrome, they quickly discovered that God's best for their life would be found in the most unlikely places, and how lucky they were to have journeyed there.

(Excerpt from back of book)

So, my husband probably rolled his eyes a little when I said I was reading another book on adoption. Every few months one slips onto the nightstand and usually sparks some wonderfully interesting discussions. This time, though, I was curious to see how Heather and Josh Avis had been taken on their own journey to parenting 3 very special little ones full of life, love, and loss while maintaining  the view  that they are "the lucky few" a view point that may seem sadly unusual for those looking in for the first time. Having finished this read, I count myself lucky for having  stumbled upon this gem of a book.

Heather has the wonderful gift of being able to infuse her personality into each word she writes. You don't just get a sense of her message but her heart and passion as well.

 Reading the book, I felt, was less being presented someone's story and more of being invited to share in it for a time being. Heather's writing is inviting and engaging as she seeks to introduce their own unique form of normal.

Although Heather keeps her tone more upbeat, she does not shy away from sharing both the highs and the lows of their adoption journey. For some, this may make the book an uncomfortable read.

You see, as you read about surgeries, family celebrations, the questions of family and strangers , navigating  life  with medical equipment, , and everything else that the Avis' have encountered and welcomed into their lives over the last decade it becomes apparent that it is no superpower but  rather their strong faith and willingness to say yes in scary situations that have allowed them into being some of "the lucky few." . Although adoption tends to be  a hot topic to begin with, to be truly open and vulnerable while protecting the children involved is a delicate balance that  Heather handles with grace. To see her openly talk about challenges with bonding, the joys of toddlerhood  in both easy and hard time, to see her own journey of understanding the other when it comes to birth families both present and apart are discussions that anyone considering adoption should be  aware of and this book serves as a gentle introduction to these important topics.

For myself, I loved sharing, even if only over a few pages, Heather and her family's journey. Heather's openness on the pages and  the sheer familiarity of family life that she shares with grace and humour allows for a read that is both eye-opening as well as  page turning. I'll confess, after  hearing the doctor's initial prognosis on one of the lovely Avis children I quickly popped over to the picture section to check on their  progress, with such engaging stories it's hard not  to root this family forward.

4.5 out of 5 stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Out of the Spin Cycle by Jen Hatmaker

Alright, first things first, this blog is primarily focus on reviewing books and that's just what we're going to do.

Out of the Spin Cycle is a re-release, first published in 2010, Jen's presents 40 easy to read devotionals aimed at helping moms find peace in the midst of the chaos that life with children can be. Each chapter starts of with an analogy or story, moves  into a brief lesson, asks 1-2 questions, and ends with a recommended response.  The format is quick, easy, and at times surprisingly thought provoking. 

As a  former native speaker of sarcasm, there were times when I felt a little uncomfortable with the tone of Jen's stories. however, I was able to temper this by noting Jen's own honesty about her  weakness for sarcasm and her gratefulness for her editors  keeping her accountable in this area. It was also reassuring  to  realize that the sarcasm never traveled beyond the analogy without a clear noting of it's sarcastic undertones. When it came to teaching and scripture Jen was all business.

This really shows in the quality of the  teaching. I so wish personal timelines had allowed me to read a chapter a day to get the full effect of this book but time wasn't exactly on my side for that. However, as I read through I was struck by Jen's passion for women, especially  moms, who  are tired/stressed/and looking for Jesus. 

4 out of 5 stars

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc."

Discipline that Connects with your Child's Heart by Jim & Lynne Jackson

Jim and Lynne Jackson, founders of Connected Families, teach four powerful principles for discipline that shape both behavior and your kids’ hearts. You’ll learn to communicate–even when your kids are at their worst–that they are safe with you, loved no matter what, capable of wise choices, and responsible to make right the things they’ve made wrong. As you impart these messages, you’ll create strong relationships, build lasting wisdom and character, and bring God’s grace to life in your home!

(excerpt from back of book)

Jim and Lynne's book is written by parents, for parents. Filled to the brim with case studies, real life (and in some cases personal) stories of their practices and theories in real family situation, the Jackson's heart for families is evident on every page.

Mindful of this, the authors really strive to make their work accessible to the families that need it. The case studies often have more than 1 case per point which does add to the page count (just over 300) but also allows for more points of connectivity with readers.

The Jackson's style is very straightforward. Presenting their theory: Foundation -"You are Safe with me", Connect "You are Loved no matter what", Coach  - "You are called and capable", and Correct  - " You are responsible for your actions" as a pyramid allows them to constantly refer back to the interconnection and necessity of a strong foundation within their model. I appreciated how easily  the lines were drawn between the later steps with having successfully established the prior and the permission or even direction to go back and see how steps apply in the overarching family as well as in individual situations. Additionally, while the book is obviously aimed at raising children I felt one of the book's great strengths was how they addressed parental reactions and behaviours  using their modeling to affect change. So many parenting books seem to get lost in "changing children" and not looking at the parents themselves and let's face it no matter how hard we try the only personal we can truly change is ourselves.

While the book is most definitely written for parents I could easily see how some may feel Discipline That Connects With Your Child's Heart reads more as a textbook than some of the  other parenting books currently on the market. That  said, Jim and Lynne  open, honest, and heartfelt text easily makes up for the extra challenge in reading level  and the walk through appendices provide a great starting point for parents who may feel overwhelmed and unsure how to begin applying what they've just learned.

4 out of 5 stars

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc."

The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

Somehow, despite all those classes I took, I managed to miss reading any of Gary Chapman's Love Languages series in college. According to my classmates, this was sort of miraculous because the books were everywhere. I actually remember many cases where someone would mention "love tanks" or ask someone what there language was and blankly stare until I made the connection. However, the book didn't necessarily fit into my focus and I let it be.

Fast forward a few years and my family now includes a husband and two little boys. as well as the dawning realization that, even factoring in the gender difference, there seems to be honest differences in how we expressed and received love. It was definitely time to jump into Chapman's series.

First off, I loved how Chapman laid out his book. Utilizing the expertise of Ross Campbell, Chapman has laid out his book in easy to read, self contained chapters that each bear a quick summary for easy referencing later on. Seeing as this book is geared towards those with children, the ability to read a chapter, put it down after a nap and come back later without interrupting a train of thought made for a much smoother read.

The material itself was similarly easy to read. Pulling on both authors strengths the text clearly leads readers through each language, the process of determining one's language, and even branching out into areas such as marriage or single parent households. I loved how holistic this was looking at the entire family and not just the portion (in this case the kids).

This holistic approach really allowed Chapman to look at his material from all angles./I appreciated his cautions about changing languages as children went through different ages as well as cautions for how to approach discipline without fulfilling a child's need for love. While I think it's infinitely harder in practice, he raises some interesting food for thought.

Overall, I appreciated Chapman and Campbell's work especially as a mom to two young children but can still see the benefit for any who regularly interact with children of any age.

4.5 out of 5 stars

I received this book from Moody Publishing in exchange for my honest opinion. The views expressed are solely my own.

Raising Uncommon Kids by Sami Cone

In a flip on most parenting books out there today, Sami Cone throws her voice into the ring by presenting 12 traits necessary in parents lives in order to raise selfless kids.

Whereas most parenting books talk about traits to teach our children, Cone focuses on the concept of modelling as a primary teacher and urges parents to work on self in order to be the most effective teachers.

The book itself is broken down into 12 chapters each embodying a different trait that continually effect a larger audience: self, others, world. As a result, the book may be read in one go through or broken down into units where one can go more in depth and explore a trait more deeply, perhaps looking at practical applications (of which some initial launching ideas are including at the end of each chapter) before moving onto the next chapter or section.

In light of Cone's focus on parental behaviour and her own analytical personality, Raising Uncommon Kids reads less conversational and more educationally focused than a lot of current parenting books. As I explained to my husband, it felt more like sitting in a classroom than meeting over coffee.  This will make it a great resource for parents who learn best in this setting as it seems to be an underrepresented area in parenting books I've come across.

The balance between Scriptural teaching and practical ideas also served as a wonderful resource for those who need help getting out of their heads and putting what they've learned into practice,

3.5 stars out of 5

I received this book from Nuts about Books in exchange for my honest opinion. 

Strong and Kind by Korie Robertson

So, confession time.

I've never actually watched Duck Dynasty. My knowledge has been limited to the fact that they live in the Southern US, do something with hunting and ducks, and have a reality tv show.

I do, however, have kids and have an eye open for any book that may help me better raise my ever curious, creative, and somewhat mischievous boys.

Enter Strong and Kind.

Written by Korie Robertson with her mother Chrys and husband Willie's assistance, Strong and Kind explores the foundation upon which Korie and Willie have raised their own family.

Things I liked:

I appreciate the genuineness Korie presents in her writing. Her stories of raising her family are filled with stories filled with emotions that any parent can relate too. I loved the openness with which she shared her love and hope for her family and her own hard won lessons throughout her children's growing up years. (any DD fans out there? Is this openness common to the show?)

I also loved the simplicity of her concepts. Choose two traits. Listing off all the character traits we want to install in our children can become an overwhelming list that paralyzes. Korie's advice to pick two, almost as a thesis, and explaining some of the more overarching traits, makes it a much more achievable  plan to begin.

Finally, I appreciated Korie's admittance that no tools are one size fits all for children. As a special needs mom it's so frustrating to read parenting books that claim all one needs to do is follow their advice and they will raise wonderful children, only lazy or inconsistent parents would fail. Korie's point that we can all have the same goal but may require different tools instantly soothed this Mama's heart and put the whole book into perspective for me. Korie is a generation above myself and at times I could feel that generational gap in her writing. We were on totally different wave lengths but, by the end of the chapter, I could see where our end goals had far more in common. Different tools same goal.

Things I didn't like:

There wasn't a lot of new information in this book, a fact Korie acknowledges.

Overall opinion, 

I enjoyed my introduction to the Duck Dynasty crew through Korie and Willie's stories. Their approach to parenting was strong in that it is simple to understand but requires hard work to reap the rewards and see through. For people who already have a full bookshelf when it comes to parenting advice this book would probably feel redundant and of little value. For parents looking to add a solid, easy to read book to their new or growing collection Kind and Strong is worth a second look.

4 out of 5 stars.

 Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

What we need is more . . .?

I've always loved people watching.

Maybe it's because I'm drawn to people's stories, watching them unfold, intersect, and weave themselves together.

Maybe it's the fact I grew up in a place where winter lasted far longer than most appreciate and I spent many a Saturday hanging out over breakfast with my dad and the guys or coffee with the neighbourhood men and needed something to occupy my time that wouldn't get me into too much trouble.

Either way, it's fascinating to watch how people's personalities come to the forefront in different situations.

Here enters Peanut.

Seriously the kid's three months old and has personality to spare. I've never seen smiles appear so readily only to disappear the minute Mama or Papa bring out the camera. I've never seen a stuffed dino or frog get so much loving so early (The dino's rather infamous around here for the amount of smiles it can coax out of our son).

The most surprising thing Peanut has done so far though?

He has a favourite diaper! Honest.

Now, I realize some cloth diapering mamas out there have their favs and will debate them tirelessly. WAHM creations, big brand standby's, local company's, the list goes on and most cd'ing mama's (and a few papa's) have no problem sharing these in great length. But Peanut has his own opinion.

He fusses when I pull out a disposable if we're running behind on laundry and need to go to town. He'll smile when he sees his cloth return. However, the day I pulled out a Hipkiddo is one I won't forget.

I prepped  the diaper as usual, let it dry and stuck it in rotation for the next change. Peanut didn't make us wait long (such a helpful boy) so thus arrived our chance to test this newest addition to the stash (which, incidentally, mama managed to win in a monthly draw). I kid you not Peanut sighed and wiggled happily as soon as it was on his bum. Kid loves that cow print diaper.

Heaven help us when he can actually verbalize what he wants ;)