The sun almost feels deceptive today as it radiates warmth throughout our living room. I know it isn't really warm out but, for now, Sherlock the kitty and I will enjoy the illusion that this never-ending polar vortex has kindly removed itself from the province.
We're in a rare space today for a (relatively) new Mama. The house is mostly clean, diapers are in the wash, and little dude is enjoying his afternoon nap . . . in his crib! Yes, our little Peanut is truly growing up and now spends his afternoon dreaming up adventures in his own bed. I'm honestly not sure whether this should make me happy (cleaner house, free time, more space for reading, reviewing and blogging) or sad that my little is not so little anymore.
It's a delicate balance moving into toddlerhood. This little life that has been so reliant on Mama and Daddy for so many months is now spreading their wings, learning and growing at an astonishing pace as they take in their world and claim their own space. I have to wonder though are the toddler years not also a chance for Mama's to experience a similar growth spurt?
It would appear that as my son starts exploring his world, I'm relearning how to embrace mine.
I can write again, I can do chores, embrace time working on my marriage, establishing community connections without my infant attached to me (quite literally - babywearing for the win). For this introverted Mama it's like relearning social convention all over again.
I have found there is a measure of grace and acceptance for new mama's, a safety net, when I make awkward connections or quirky references. I'll miss that as I relearn how to embark on my own.
At the same time, it's exhilarating watching Peanut take his first wobbly steps into the boy he is becoming, the boy I pray he'll be. To see him develop his passions, his interests. To see the wonder in his eyes as he sees the mysteries that adult realities crowd out and make dim.
So, while this Mama's heart is sad over the things that are no more. I look forward to this new chapter - to naps and runs, to songs and giggles, to wonders, amazement, learning and love. Now, where did I leave that book?